Hurting
by alixxblack
Summary: Gale is with Katniss before the execution of President Snow and all of his feelings and thoughts finally catch up with him. He realizes what he has done and what he must suffer until the end of his life. This is a 2-part piece and is fast paced.
1. Realization

I am not particularly fond of Gale's character, I will admit, however! I did see some potential while I was out today in how he felt and adding something to his personality. I don't know. Maybe I won't do him justice but this is just a 2-part piece I threw together this afternoon during lunch. I hope maybe someone likes it. I just wanted to explore his character a little more.

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><p>He wasn't particularly good at keeping his cool. He ranted and raved about the lot he had gotten in life. He was absolutely a vengeful person. There was little point in trying to deny that fact. It was unarguably a fact. Of all the people in the world, she would be the one to know it best. It was the reason she had been straying from him, it was probably the reason she was choosing <em>him<em> instead. It's hard to hate him, though, because he is so much better of a man. He had all of the qualities that she needed. But that's when Gale's thoughts would get confusing. Which he did he mean? Just when he was sure he was talking about Peeta he was switching them out for thoughts about himself. Gale was a selfish man, the type of man he never would have once described himself.

Gale hands over what is in his grasp. It is a sheath of arrows for her impeccable precision with an arrow. She is so predictable, even in her unpredictability. He loved that about her, of course, because that's the girl he's grown up with, she's the girl he would have given his life for. When she takes the sheath she holds it only for a moment, only having paused to look at Gale sternly. Although, her stare was blank and almost hard to read. Only almost, however, because Gale could usually see right past that lost look.

"I brought this. It's supposed to be symbolic. You firing the last shot of the war..." Gale responded. He was putting as much optimism into my statement as he possibly could conjure at that moment. It was pointless, however, because Katniss would not change for anyone. She was always so easy to read, and that was the only thing he could ever bring himself to hate about her.

"What if I miss? Does Coin retrieve and bring it back to me? Or just shoot Snow through the head herself?" She always thought about the what-ifs. Katniss thought in the alternative, which is unsurprising since her life was always reliant on what she can suppose for the future. Arguably, though, Katniss had little to actually worry about. Gale already sensed what she would bring up next. His best attempt to forget the events that occurred were to avoid the topic as best as he could.

"You won't miss." His last ditch and final defense effort was to put the sheath on her. It very well may have been, at the time, the last chance he had to interact with her, the last time he would get to touch her. Katniss was far too smart to not see what he was trying to do. At the end of the day, Peeta would be by her side. She can't live without Prim, but she has to – that means, logically, she can't live with the one who she thought caused it. It was obvious how Katniss felt. Everything was so obvious with her. Gale couldn't tell himself that enough. Especially at the time because he had been trying to convince himself that maybe she wouldn't be predictable this time. He had hoped her unpredictability would put her in his arms instead. Besides, that was the way couples should feel when with one another. Unfortunately, Gale knew that even though she may have once chose him for that exact reason at some discernible point in time, and now she would never.

"You didn't come see me in the hospital." Her voice was low and nearly silent. It even cracked at tears that Gale was sure were trying to escape. Prim was the reason she entered the games, the reason she paired up with Peeta, and the reason the rebellion was able to move so quickly. Katniss had been the reason so many of the districts had been devout the whole time through. Ultimately, Gale believed, Katniss was the reason anything had been successful. However, Prim would always be the reason why Katniss resented Snow as strongly as she did. Without Katniss' love for Prim none of those events would have happened and he would not had been in that position. He may have ended up with Katniss in the end; caring for Prim, her beautiful goat, and that ugly cat that Katniss hated so very much. Gale saw the future and reflected on how long lost it was. He dropped his gaze to the ground. Her words were stinging him in ways more painful than tracker jacker poison could ever hope to damage someone.

"Was it your bomb?"

Gale was breathless. He couldn't miss a beat, though, because that is not the person he was. He loved Katniss, and he would always love her. However, he could not change who he was, particularly if it wouldn't make a difference either way. He opened his mouth and spoke of exactly what he knew, or rather, didn't know.

"I don't know. Neither does Beetee." Gale had asked many times which bomb it had been, whether it had been one that Gale had helped design. He wanted to have an answer, aware that that moment would be inevitable. As soon as Katniss found him Gale knew she would be asking if it had been his. Gale had been so very desperate to know if it was his bomb. He no longer wished to even call it his, but there was nothing to be done about it then. It had happened in the past. Gale could only be thankful for one thing when Katniss confronted him: that it had been in such a civilized and calm manner. She had been in a relatively unstable state and she could have killed Gale on the spot had he said the wrong thing. Not that she ever would, he had secretly hoped. "Does it matter?" She looked like she was shaking her head, but Gale figured it was his imagination. She had grown visibly colder since he saw her last in a stable setting. If Gale had been honest with himself then he would have understood that Katniss lost the ability to love unconditionally when Prim was killed. If he had been sensible, the way he always saw himself before, he might have been able to identify the fact that Katniss' love would always be a broken love. Gale may not have cared, since he only wanted her love to be his own. If anyone could make Katniss love that way again, though, he assumed it would be Peeta. In Gale's heart he knew that Peeta was the guy for her. He would accept that. Jealousy and bitterness were the only emotions he could feel. "You'll always be thinking about it." It had felt as though his throat was ripping open inside. He would never understand how he managed to sound so calm.

Gale still didn't look into her eyes because he couldn't bring himself to see everything that he had lost. All those girls he had kissed before, all the early morning hunts, and the shared silences. The meaningless crushes and flings, all of those things were pointless. He had such a strong relationship with her and somehow Katniss was the one to grow up and be the heroic, wonderful person that she had always harbored deep inside. Gale, on the other hand, had become a derranged monster only capable of thinking for himeslf. Somehow along the way they had gotten separated, but there would never be anything Gale could do about it. She may have seen herself as the evil person who was self-motivated, but she saw Gale just the same after the bomb. He would wonder until he died what happened to their relationship.

Her eyes were glued to him. In a hushed voice he managed one last truth…

"That was the one thing I had going for me. Taking care of your family." Katniss did nothing when Gale looked up, which he expected. Nothing was going to help him with the mess he had been in. His misfortunes were his own fault and he would have to make peace with the pain as a punishment. He was not the man he thought he was, but more important he hadn't been the man Katniss once loved. That would be his new life. Katniss-less, loveless, and hopeless. "Shoot straight, okay?" The only indulgence he would allow himself was wishing death upon President Snow, but even in those last moments Katniss appeared to oppose the idea of executing him. A compassion had filled her eyes. It was the look she would get when her thoughts raced around to put together a puzzling set of events she had come across. He loved the way she looked when she was thinking that way, but it scared him in those moments what she might know that he somehow had not found out as well. He slid his hand onto her cheek and cherished the time he had left dearly, as if his life depended on in. In a huge way, Gale did rely on it. When he realized his presence had become unwanted he pulled away from her and left to wait for Katniss' public execution. He decided he wanted his last memory of her to be of her heroic deed – her killing the man that ruined everything anyone had ever loved in life.

He had been standing with Plutarch when Katniss was brought out to execute Snow. She was clearly at war with herself. He saw it, even at a distance. Gale jad thought of Peeta and himself. So many questions flew through his mind seeing her expression: _Was she mulling over her decision? Was she considering coming back to him?_ Gale slapped himself in the leg to remind himself that that thought was impossible. Prim was dead and nothing, absolutely nothing, would ever convince Katniss that it wasn't his fault. Gale had one realization after another that day. He remembered how she openly protested his involvement in the weaponry division on more than one occasion. What happened only confirmed her the worries she had, ones that forced her to deal with a death she would never be ready for - a death she never planned to be alive to see. The death, however, had been as much a detriment to Gale as it had been to Katniss. His selfishness was aside because he, too, loved Prim as his own sister. He grieved over her as much as Katniss.

Before Gale could wrap his mind around any of the events that had occurred, the actions continued to take place. President Coin, who was not more than six feet away then, was suddenly on ground with an arrow demanding her death. Chaos was everywhere and the only thing he saw was Katniss being pulled by guards. He couldn't help but scream for her. "KATNISS! KATNISS! LET HER GO! KATNISS!"

His body writhed around, to and fro, through the crowds. He had tried to make his way down to the halls before the guards were too far away with her, before any damage could be done to her already beaten body. He moved quickly, but it was not nearly quickly enough. After fifteen minutes of yelling he heard some guards saying that she got locked away in the farthest cell from civilization. Gale chased the walls until he reached a gate that blocked the public from the prisons. He stood at the wall. Gale sent his fists pounding hard against the stone until they bled. It was the first time he allowed himself to fall apart and be an emotional mess since his father's death. He somehow knew that that would be something painful that he would never forget.

"KATNISS! WHY? KATNISS!" He would repeat this to himself over and over until his sleeves were covered in blood and his eyes were hurting from all the crying. He eventually sunk down to his knees and granted himself a few final sobs of his trauma before he forced himself upward. "I love you, Katniss. I am so sorry. I will fight for you, I swear. I will fight for you the way I should have fought before." He yanked himself back to his feet and swept his bloodied fist across his face in order to push the tears away. His expression hardened again and he found the strength to seek out Plutarch. He could not let Katniss be imprisoned, he could not let what life she had left be taken away from her. Gale had never known her to make the wrong decision. Even when she picked Peeta over him...


	2. Until the End

If you're still reading, thank you for putting up with this! This chapter moves quickly and might be a little hard to follow at first. I don't know. You might think the ending is a little kooky too. Forgive me.

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><p>Gale had been standing in the doorway of his house in District 2. He had lived there for a month, perhaps it was two, and had only heard whispers that Katniss was finally heading home. When Gale heard this he asked whereabouts Two she would be living, but everyone would remain silent. He would often times forget that she picked Peeta, that she picked Twelve. He had to keep a straight face to keep his job, but sometimes he slipped up and showed that he had a place in his heart for Katniss. He purposely misled people as to how much of his heart that was.<p>

Gale thought of District 12, the place where he had grown up into the man he guessed he might be. He did not think he would ever be able to go back after everything that had happened. It would remind Gale of what he had lost, what he had taken from people he loved, and what sacrifices had been made in the rebellion. Katniss, though, she would never leave. She would not consider it, even though it presented so many horrors for her to drown in. As for murdering coin, she had been cleared of her charges. The primary reason had been that she was portrayed as insane by her attending physician. Gale spoke with Plutarch directly, though, who eventually admitted in _private_ that he bugged the garden in which Katniss spoke with Snow. Gale had been permitted to hear the only copy before it was destroyed. The truth would only be his and Plutarch's. That information alone was the only reason Plutarch found and created ways to defend Katniss when she was tried. Gale would be thankful for an eternity for the work Plutarch did. Some people may not have ever thought of Plutarch as a good man before the rebellion, but unlike Gale he managed to show his worth as a person. Gale only hoped that someday he showed the world he wasn't a monster. Although, he probably would never be able to prove it to himself.

In that tape Gale heard President Snow had his sadistic mind to analyze what Coin had done all throughout the war, but particularly on what had happened with Prim. The bombs had been set off by Coin as an order. It was likely not an order made on the spot, but rather one with full knowledge of the consequences. Snow had practically stated Coin was no different than himself. Gale had smirked to himself at the time, at least Snow saw himself for what he was - a wretched villain. He had also recalled that Peeta once said during one of the broadcasting wars with the propos that Katniss needed to think about whether she believed the ones she obeyed, and to listen to her heart. He dared her to listen to her instincts. Not that she ever needed the encouragement, because Katniss had always done things on her own. She was as independent came. Plus, Katniss never did like Coin, and even hinted at suspicion in her. He believed that Katniss might have even compared that way Coin ran District 13 to the way Snow ran the Capitol. Gale saw the similarities after it was far too late, but it did not stop him from wishing he would have listened to her then. Gale dreamed sometimes that he had always been on her side. It would have been a beautiful ending, but Gale could hardly complain about the life he ended up with. It was far from a dream, but it was a good life. It was a stable life, and had he chosen to he could have had a family of his own. Gale would never have put another woman through that, however, because all he would see in her was how she wasn't like Katniss. He wanted Katniss, and if it wasn't Katniss then it could never be anyone else.

New of Katnsiss' return to District 12 wasn't the biggest story that floated around that year, however. Just when Gale was settling into everything in District 2, something else came up and reminded him of his past. He had everything he wanted in Two, he had established himself as a hard worker during the rebellion and proved his worth. He had a place just about anywhere, regardless of his support for Katniss. Paylor had promised him that much. Gale had demanded it his mission to assure everyone that that life, the one supporting Katniss' every action, was over long before he severed those ties. He could never tell if his words were visibly painful but it was only a short period of time after that that people stopped bringing up anything about his "old" life.

That only lasted until Peeta was his his way back to Twelve, at least. Again there were whispers that drew Gale's attention to his travels. What had been far more intriguing, however, was that Peeta was said to have the intent to stop in District Two. As if there could not be anything else more interesting at the time, though, there was still a detail that was even more astounding. That detail had been that Peeta wanted to go visit Gale before he returned home to Katniss. _"And here love," he would think._ Gale's mind changed gears to things that he heard in various conversations that Peeta's name would show up. Some people then doubted that the pair would marry. Gale knew better than that, though. Katniss, who had always been independent, relied far too heavily on the comfort of Peeta anymore to say 'no' if he were to ask. Katniss and Peeta would marry without doubt. The question was regarding "if" rather than "when." Some people were addicted to morphling, but she was addicted to him. He helped her through the worst pains of her life, and he would do it again. Gale still would not stop comparing himself to Peeta.

When Peeta arrived, he did so with paintings that he ended up sitting around Gale's home, which was basically empty save for the essential furniture and appliances necessary to function minimally. Henceforth, Gale led a minimalist life, so it had been strange for him to create an idea of artwork being in his house. Peeta clearly stated that he wanted Gale to keep the paintings. He wouldn't be allowed to look at them, however, until Peeta was gone. Gale was not about to argue with him since they both had been through very hard times and both seemed to be excruciatingly exhausted. He did notice that even in his frail state that Peeta was far too kind and understanding. Gale would never be able to possess any true hatred for him. Even his jealousy subsided at Peeta's gentle smile. Gale saw everything that Katniss saw in him. Gale did not allow himself to wish that those qualities he saw were reflected when they made eye contact. He knew better than to wish for the impossible, especially after the hard months he had been spending pretending he didn't still love Katniss.

They enjoyed a small dinner and discussed the new ways of Panem. Peeta had missed out on so much having been in the hospital, he was only told what he needed to hear in order to keep going on as medically scheduled. His doctor insisted that some level of awareness of the current events would have helped him to feel connected to the outside world. Peeta was never going to have issues adjusting to new life, though, because he was great for any lifestyle. He had made it in Twelve, he had made it through the Games, he had made it through the war and somehow managed to be a relatively unchanged man – only changing in respect to his love for Katniss, which had grown insurmountably. He would have committed suicide had it meant her safety, he would feel that way until he died. Gale sure knew that he would.

Just as he was about to leave, Peeta turned around in an "as a matter of fact" manner and pointed to Gale's table. When he looked to it there was nothing but a torn envelope on it. It had been the Capitol train schedule he had requested from Plutarch to better track when Peeta was supposedly to arrive in District 2. It had just been a neurotic attempt to control his life, even though it would be in shambles when Peeta left him behind.

"Keep an eye out for more mail, Gale." Then he left without another word. Gale hadn't cared to look at the paintings. Having had Peeta in his home merely reminded him of Katniss, which ended up making him cry as he had done each and every night since he found a place in District 2. That was truly when the reality had set in from him that until the end of his days that he would be alone. He would never see Katniss again, and it hurt him worse than anyone could have imagined. Heartbreak was not an uncommon thing, especially the way things had been growing up in District 12, but he always proclaimed silently that nobody could ever understand the pain he suffered through each day that he couldn't have Katniss in his arms. Gale believed some days that he would never get through. He also guessed that if he did live that he would cry himself to sleep every night until the day that he did die. There would never be another woman he loved as he loved Katniss. Loved? Gale would always question himself. It will never be a past event, because his love was forever. He promised it would be forever, even when Katniss did not promise hers in return.

The next morning arrived as quickly as the night. It had been his day off. He had never known of a job that only worked five days a week before, but he had been doing it for a long enough time by then. Gale typically spent his Saturdays and Sundays inside avoiding the public eye. He avoided them because he did not want them to see how he behaved when he wasn't busied by his duties at work. He never wanted them to see the lies that he carried on the cuffs of his sleeves, the dark nightmares that haunted him because of his misfortunes. Misfortunes that he would blame himself daily. Hourly, even, because it daunted him do often.

But he went out that Saturday after Peeta visited and bought more food than he could ever need to put in his cupboards. He bought furniture and clothes. He bought flowers that reminded him of Katniss, and various other odds and ends that would never fit his personality. He had attached himself to everything that he showed some minute interest in. Before he realized it Sunday night was upon him and his house was fully decorated. Everything seemed to have a place, except for the five large canvases that Peeta had left behind. Gale would have to open them eventually. He came to terms with that before he ever addressed it. As a response, though, he decided that that moment was as good a time as ever to get it over with. Besides, he knew might never be fully prepared to see what was painted onto them.

Shockingly, Gale felt his heart skipping rapidly as each picture was revealed when he pulled the brown paper backwards. Each one revealed a piece of the future. It was not any future, though, because Peeta might have understood somehow what Gale felt after all. It was a future that he had once dreamed of having…

Katniss and him were pictured kissing, holding hands, hunting, getting married, and - lastly - holding children. A piece of paper had been taped to the side of one of the pictures that revealed Peeta's handwriting. Gale ended up crying not unlike the way he had so many times before that, although this time it was almost a happy feeling that took had come over him.

**_I will never know why Katniss picked me instead of you, after all you did for her before the war. I can't say I will complain because we both know how much the other loves her. She is worth all the love in the world. I hope that these paintings ease the pain. You can live that future even if she does not see the potential that you still had. I respect you and I hope there are no hard feelings. I plan to send more so that you are never alone again, because I know it helps me deal with the pain._**

Gale knew couldn't leave them in the main room of his house, but he ended up decorating the walls everywhere else in his home with the pictures that Peeta left behind. And as he promised, more pictures showed up every few months. Before long Gale had to start building upwards in his home to accommodate to the pictures. After some time Peeta had started sending paintings of Prim and what District 12 used to look like. He sometimed painted Katniss as she aged, and how she looked while she hunted at that age. Sometimes he would send pictures of the forest. Not everything had been related to the future after a certain point, or even how he would have lived with Katniss. Peeta never ended up revealing why his inspiration for Gale's dream life dissipated, but he knew because of the stories he heard from Plutarch. They had children after they married, although it was some time later, and Peeta was left to watch over them all. Luckily, it was only in Gale's old, feeble age that the pictures stopped coming. At some point a letter was sent to him from Plutarch, which would ultimately hold the answer to the second most horrific question he would ever ask himself.

Gale knew he was in his eighties but he had not thought it old enough to die. Gale would sometimes convince himself that he would never die. However, people did eventually die. In that letter from Plutarch he learned that Katniss died in her sleep, Peeta holding her tightly in his arms. It was of natural causes, as far as any medical exam had revealed. Gale concluded it might have been for fear. Peeta sometimes had written that Katniss' nightmares scared him even though he was not in them. Sometimes Gale would have nightmares of Katniss having nightmares. His cure, though, had been to walk around his home and stare at the hundreds of pictures of Katniss. The last paragraph revealed that Peeta would not move from the bed, except for the small funeral that their children put together. His own children would never be able to coerce him to do anything other than sit in his place next to the one that belonged to Katniss. It was a sad story that Plutarch shared with him but he had to know. Much like Katniss, Plutarch was the only person who knew what to expect from him all his life. Plutarch was the best friend Gale ever had after the rebellion, if he did not count Peeta. Not having counted Peeta might have been a criminal offense, Gale would sometimes joke in his old age. He looked at each of the paintings after he read the news and wondered how many memories Peeta had to sacrifice to ensure that Gale felt as lovef as he did. He became more appreciative then than he ever had been before. Peeta deserved him far more than Gale would ever.

The next night, after he had received that letter, still the selfish boy he had been many years ago, when Gale closed his eyes he wished he would die too. He hoped that maybe in the afterlife Katniss would be his and that they could be together, maybe with Prim by their side, and live happily. Gale started asking for there to be an afterlife that this could happen in. His eyes fluttered closed with a picture perfect rendering of Katniss when she returned his love.

The next morning it was concluded that Gale Hawthorne was old enough to die. Plutarch had been following up with his letter to see if Gale was well after such traumatizing news being delivered so suddenly. Even though he had been much older than Gale, Plutarch still managed to live quite easily. He was giving his company away soon, though, because of the scary number that was his age. Plutarch would die any day, some would have argued Plutarch should have died instead of Gale. It was actually a shock to most people when Gale was announced to have died before Plutarch. Nobody would ever know it, but Gale was much happier once he died.

Katniss and Prim waited for him as ghostly figures, smiles on planted their faces as they welcomed him into a questionably fictitious realm filled with lights and soft sounds of music. "Your father is waiting." She whispered. Her transparent hand then reached to him and pulled him gently into a heavenly place where all his dreams could became a reality.

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><p>What did you think? R&amp;R? It'd be nice to see how you think I did on it. It was a whole new experience seeing Gale as a positive character. I hope I did well.<p>

I must sound so negative to you. Either way 3 thanks for taking the time to read this.


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